Where did all the time go?

In motherhood, so much of my day is occupied with taking care of the kids.  The majority of this time is thoroughly enjoyable, such as cuddling to read books, playing games at the park, or taking turns (on end) throwing the kids in the air to a chorus of giggles.
Yet somehow I still manage to find time to cook, clean, and take care of myself the way I always had.  Sometimes I can't help but stop and think what in the world I did with all my time before the kids.  How did I ever run out of time to get things done?  Especially during the year and a half I was unemployed and out of school - what did I do??  If I had that time now, I sometimes think, every single shelf in every cabinet would be perfectly organized.  I would be caught up to date on every single scrapbook.  All those things on my long-term to-do list would be complete.
Yet I had that time and I still managed to run out of it.
This past week, I had a glimpse into the reason why.  For the first time in a very very long time, I devoured a novel.  I couldn't put it down.  I made the kids breakfast, put it on their trays, and once I knew they were happy, I picked it up to steal a few pages before they needed refills.  The minute their eyes closed, the book was in my hand.  I'm not exactly sure that this book was so great.  Yes, it was a good read, but I disagreed with the whole premise.  But that didn't matter at all - the significant element of the experience was the feeling of being lost in a book.
And then it all made sense.
I used to devour books all the time!  That's where all my time went...
Now I just have to decide how often I can indulge in this hobby, because the house is a little dirtier than last week and I haven't quite gotten to folding all the laundry yet...

Remember When...

Last night, I had a very touching moment.

We were having a little melava malka (post-Shabbat hangout involving food and good times). Yoni made us root beer floats, and decided to opt out of playing games and instead provided musical entertainment.

After exhausting his repertoire for Jewish music, he began some of our old favorites. We had some emotional moments as he played "I loved her first" which he serenaded us with during the father daughter dance at our wedding. And then I requested he play "Remember when." It has been a long time since I heard this song! On one hand, it brought back so many "Remember when" moments of where I was in my life the last times I listened to the song.

Remember when ...

I was a teenager with my whole life unknown and lying at my feet. Possibilities were endless. I had some direction, but in retrospect my path was a mystery. I heard this song and dreamed of finding someone to marry. I dreamed of having babies and growing old with the father of my children. These were visions, but so far from the reality of my academic world and my friends. Now that world I lived in seems so far away, and I am immersed in the world described by the song.

Two verses of the song particularly spoke to me. They so clearly describe the stage of life I am living now.

Remember when...

Old ones died and new were born

Life was changed

Disassembled

Rearranged

We came together

Fell apart

We broke each other's hearts

Remember when.

Remember when...

The sound of little feet

Was the music

We danced to week to week

Brought back the love

We found trust

Vowed we'd never give it up

Remember when.

The beauty is that I know, G-d willing, some day the rest of the verses will portray my life and the world described in the beginning of the song will be a sweet memory. Even though I'm not quite toward the end of the song yet, I'll include the verses here for those of you reading this who are in that stage of your life and might appreciate the eloquent illustration of growing up with your family.

Remember when...

Thirty seemed so old

Now looking back

It was just a stepping stone

To where we are

Where we've been

Said we'd do it all again

Remember when.

Remember when...

We said when we turned gray

When the children

Grew up and moved away

We won't be sad

We'd be glad

For all the life we've had

And we'd Remember when.

Keeping the perspective of these last verses helps me appreciate the current moment to a much greater extent. I know one day I will longingly reminisce about these sleep-deprived days of changing diapers and giving kisses to heal boo-boos. Just yesterday morning, Yoni and I looked at Adina and had a moment of realizing how old she is getting. She has started getting a lot taller and thinner. She is growing into her little girl body and no longer looks like such a toddler. Yoni looked at me and said, "One day Adina will probably be as tall as you. If not taller!" Whoa, that's hard to imagine! I am appreciating the days when I can sweep her off her feet and make her laugh for minutes by giving airplane rides and doing the "silly walk."