Time to internalize...

It has been almost exactly a year since I began this blog.

A year ago, I was at a completely different place in my life.  I was nearing the end of Yoni's first deployment, Ze'ev was still a young baby, and in many ways I was still very new to the Seattle community.  Through my experiences as a parent, a daughter, a friend, a wife, and a member of the community throughout this time, I honestly feel like I have learned and grown more in the past year than any other year in my life.  I still have a ways to go, but I feel like I am finally off to a good start!

There are many factors that contributed to this opportunity for growth.  For one, it is the first year since before I graduated high school that I did not move or have a major life changing event (wedding, baby, etc.).  Writing a blog during this [relative] lull in excitement allowed me to get in touch with my inner self who I hadn't known so well since high school, and introduce that aspect of myself into my current world view and all of my present relationships.

Recently, however, I have been contemplating the purpose of this blog.  I chose the title, "Internalize Each Day."  At the time of this blog's conception, I felt like days were passing by like a whirlwind without my appreciation or understanding.  I wanted a way to bring substance to my days and document those moments and feelings.  I felt that through sharing these experiences with others, it would make them that much more real.

Now, as I feel so blessed to have reached a point of really internalizing the days, I have decided that the next step is to keep them internal.  When I have a meaningful or thought-provoking moment with my kids, I might discuss it with one or two people who I happen to talk to that day, and I will probably write about it in my personal journal, but in the past few months I have found that "broadcasting" these moments actually diminishes the amount with which I can really process and "internalize" the experience.

This concept reminds me of a poem I wrote in college.  The context of the composition is different from this situation.  I wrote it at a time when I was having difficulty finding words to describe the questions and thoughts I had about life.  But an excerpt applies to my feeling today...

"...When thoughts try to consult with my heart before coming out of my mouth,
they never return.
In my heart they find a home where they can grow,
where they finally learn...
That it's not words which express these questions.
It's not words which make you understand.
It's that feeling, that can only exist in a heart
That allows a thought to expand
into a feeling of Truth..."



Thanks to everyone who has read this blog, whether regularly or sporadically, over the past year.  Having readers out there encouraged me to write and brought me closer to myself and the important people in my life.

:)