"My baby misses my Aba"

The first few times Yoni went away on trips for the Air Force, Adina had a tough time.  She was almost two years old and she couldn't quite understand the concept of going away and coming back home.  Each time he left, she got devastated and each time he came home she spent almost an entire day being mad at him.  Eventually she started getting the hang of it.  She still could not verbalize her feelings, but she started giving him really big hugs the day before he left, going about life normally, and then being happy to see him upon his return, rather than resentful.

This past week I saw a major turning point in her processing of the experience.  On Tuesday, Yoni left in the afternoon.  She was awake, so she saw him put his bags in the car and gave him a hug as he walked out the door.  We purposely try to make these experiences as light-hearted as possible for her.  For better or worse, she will have a lot of goodbyes and reunions throughout her life.  If we condition her to take it in stride, knowing that the separation is temporary and the reunion will come soon, it will make these transitions much easier for her in the long run.  I can not see any benefit to conditioning her with tearful separations at each and every goodbye.  Between Aba's absences and the constant "Hi"'s and "Goodbye"'s from the family we are so blessed to have visit every few weeks, this would create a lot of sadness in a little heart.

On Tuesday evening, about an hour or two after Yoni's departure, Adina was caring for her doll as she usually does (rocking her, changing her diaper, singing her a song), and she walked over to me.  She said, "Mommy, my baby misses my Aba."  I said, "Aw, I know it's so hard for baby when Aba has to go on the airplane.  Does your baby need a hug?"  She said yes, and I gave her and her baby a big hug together.  Since then, once or twice a day, she says to her baby, "Aw, you miss my Aba, here's a big huggie.  I love you."  And then I am sure to give her a hug soon after.  I was so proud of her and think this is a very healthy, good way of dealing with the emotions she feels in Aba's absence.

His next trip is in three weeks and will be a long one - a 2 month deployment.  I pray that I am given the strength to teach Adina the best coping strategies and to help her through the experience while maintaining a positive association with it all.

While Ze'ev is still too young to understand this all on an intellectual level, he is just getting old enough to feel the emotions of Aba's absence.  He knows Yoni a lot better now than he did at the last deployment (when Ze'ev was only 6 months).  I think it will be confusing for him, but probably not quite as difficult as it will be when he's older.  He still doesn't get it quite yet.  When we Skype, he reaches his arms out to the computer and gets frustrated he can't reach Aba, but doesn't know what that means.