I think I have discovered the most negative aspect of having a mathematical brain. Countless times each day, I calculate the percentage of the deployment that has passed and how far we still have to go.
On Monday, the day after my Dad left, I thought, "Wow! It's been almost two weeks already! That's amazing! 20% done!"
But Monday feels like weeks ago and today I find myself thinking, "Wow. It has been only just over two weeks. We still have almost 80% to go!"
Thank G-d, when we are in the midst of the days we are generally doing well. I try to coordinate activities for the kids as best I can, and as long as they get their sleep and are eating well, they behave pretty nicely and make life doable for me. Unfortunately, on those days when someone doesn't nap so well or someone refuses to eat everything I put on their plate and therefore gets hungry and cranky, I sorely miss having reinforcements!
I have decided that I for sure need to figure out a new plan for these last 8 weeks. During the week my parents were here things went great. But the days before that and the days since then, I find myself walking a tight rope, constantly on the verge of losing my patience. This is very hard for me, because the parenting skill I have been trying so hard to hone in on in the past year has been my patience. But when it is tested over and over again all day, with no one on my side, and no relief during waking hours, I would be superhuman if I could maintain it.
Now I have to determine the best strategy to maintain my emotional sanity for the rest of the deployment. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. :)
You are more than welcome to hang out here! Maybe also have a mothers' helper come for a set time each day or x number of days a week. Just knowing that you get respite might ease the other times. Hatzlacha!! Hang in there and know that so many of us are here for you. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Shoshana. :) I know there are plenty of people to hang out with when we want to get out, I think I just need to have more planned things or find a way to completely have a break. When we do play dates or a Mommy's helper is here, I am still with the kids. 24/7 is hard. I think when people work or their kids are at school they don't always realize what 24/7 feels like... I guess you're probably getting a glimpse of it this month. :) Although it helps a lot to have a husband come home in the evenings!
DeleteHow about getting a babysitter mid-day either to go out and do errands (alone!) or just to do something for yourself?
DeleteI am definitely getting a glimpse this month - I admire your strength! Hopefully a women's get together one night will also help ;)
Yea, I think I'm going to do that! I think I am going to give Devora a call, she did great with the kids the night of the wedding. I even think knowing that she's coming to relieve me after nap will make the rest of the day so much more enjoyable and easy.
DeleteWhen school starts, we can work out something where your 2 kids come here for some part of some mornings, if you're interested.... Remind me I said this in 2 weeks.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about counting time though. I'm almost done my second week of camp and I'm like, 2 more weeks - that's a bit more than i've just done, i can't believe I have to do this all over again!
Let me know when you figure out how I can be of help.
When camp is over, we can just find fun things to do together with the kids in the morning, or even just hang out. :)
DeleteI'm not sure you'll like my suggestion, but remember that e-mail I sent you last week?
ReplyDeleteHow about writing? Throwing yourself into writing? Sharing powerful insights on relationships? And opening up the non-frum world to the beauties of what you have? I know that the title of my project is a bit risque, but we need confident intelligent halacha-observant women like you to write and share and represent! :-)
I await your response. xo
I'll respond to the e-mail tonight also, but to respond here, unfortunately my problem is not finding things to do when I have time to myself. Thankfully, I do not have the problem of boredom. It's finding my sanity during the hours that I don't have time to myself. :-P
DeleteI have now had the experience of being a stay at home mom and doing the full time work thing. I can assure you both positions will leave most women yearning for the greener grass yonder at times. Patience is a lifetime pursuit that is put to the test whenever we are tired, rushed, stressed (read '' husband abroad'') or cranky. One thing I can tell you is that you have a sweet little Adina and handsome little Ze'ev who will never again be this young. Looking back you will not regret having shared as much of these precious stages together as possible. As parents we often try to shelter our children from the moods and stresses of the adult life, one of the greatest gifts we can give them is showing that we to struggle at times and that we have ways to cope and rise to the occasion . Your children are being exposed to a unique life experience that can greatly enhance their world view as they become adults, and they are so blessed to have such a beautiful and strong mother as their guide and partner. Know that you have endless applause and support. Know that it is nearly impossible to get through a day with toddlers without finding your patience sliding short some were. And remember to enjoy the ride, in those crazy moments remind yourself how much you will miss those sticky little fingers one day.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the perspective Cyrel :)
DeleteThankfully I am able to take a step back a few times a day and appreciate those sweet little moments. Without that, I'd be a goner! Because of those moments I am so thankful to be a stay at home Mom and I can't imagine being gone from them for more than an hour or two at a time. That being said, I am for sure going to start planning hour or two's at a time to get breaks from the sticky fingers. It will help me appreciate them that much more.
Interestingly, I find it harder to experience those really special moments when Yoni is not here, because I feel sad that he is not able to experience them with me. When Ze'ev walked across the whole room today, I was so happy but then realized Yoni won't get to see him take those shaky steps. By the time he gets back, he'll be (for better or worse!) running around the house. But thankfully it's only 10 weeks. And then when he gets back we will get to appreciate that much more when he is present for those special moments.