On a happier day... :)

In the days following my last post, I got a number of people calling or e-mailing to check in and make sure I was doing alright.  First of all, thank you everyone for caring and being there!  In a way, I started to feel bad for posting when I was feeling at the low point of the week.  Most of my week, I hadn't felt so frustrated and impatient and at wits end.  But on Thursday I did, and that's when I wrote my blog.  I think subconsciously, I did this on purpose.  As people have since explained to me, I am really good at conveying a facade of being perfectly in control of everything.  The truth is, I always want to feel put together, so even when the stress starts getting to me, I don't allow others to see it so easily.  And then the stress or overwhelmed feeling reaches a certain point where I can no longer completely ignore its existence, and by then my reaction to it is at least a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10!  Sorry for the math analogy yet again, but while my stress level was slowly rising ... 2 ... 3... 4 ... 7 ... 8... I was still putting on the happy face.  Then I hit a 9 and I felt very alone at a 9 because most of the people in my life still thought I had everything in control and I was still at a 2 or 3.

So a part of me wanted to reach out and let people know that one or two days a week, I am feeling pretty bad about Yoni's absence and I need your support.  I know asking for it directly would be best, but I am not the best at asking for things, even when it is things like emotional support.

But thank you to everybody who got the message and gave it to me.  I have to say that since Thursday night, thank G-d, I have been in such a better place.  I attribute this completely to the people in my life who reached out and took some of the burden off of my shoulders simply through empathizing.

We had a really lovely Shabbat.  Thank you Gallors for being so sweet and agreeing to do a later lunch so that my kids could get their normal nap and we could still eat out and enjoy lovely company for the seuda. (By the way, while I was waiting for Adina to wake up because we needed to go to the Gallors to eat, she took the longest nap that she has taken since Yoni left.  I ended up waking her up after over 3 hours....Go figure :-P)

Then today started out disastrous.  Libby woke me up at 4 AM because she was being taunted by a raccoon outside.  It took nearly an hour and a half to calm her down and then by the time I finally fell asleep, I spent exactly 15 minutes in dream land until Mr. Ze'ev woke up.  Then between the heat (Seattle doesn't believe in central air conditioning) and the lack of structure inherent in Sundays, the kids were both in "lovely" moods today.  It could have gotten me down.  But still feeling all of the support shown in the past few days, I dealt with each moment as it came and did not allow myself to get worked up (too much).  Then Sasha saved me from the post-nap "fun moods" by inviting us over to play in their backyard.  (Thank you!!!!)

So where am I getting with all of this?  Yes, I count the calendar each day.  Yes, I calculate how long until G-d willing Yoni will get to come home.  But when I feel support, when I feel like I am not doing all of this alone, when the littlest bits of kindness brighten each day, it makes those days pass so much more quickly and most importantly, so much more happily.  The happier we are, the faster the days will pass, so it is really in my best interest to make the most of each day and find ways to make them filled with joy.

P.S.  The two best practical pieces of advice I received last week, that have already made a big difference:
1) Close the door when I go to the bathroom and have 2 minutes of private time amidst any ensuing chaos.
2) If the kids have eaten dinner but I am counting down the minutes until bath, put them in the bath early and just let them play for a lot longer than usual.  I can even bring a good book into the bathroom and just hang out while they play and play.