Retrospective

I am not sure if "retrospective" is actually a word, but if it isn't, it should be.  It so perfectly describes the perspective of looking at things in retrospect.

I often think about how much more I would have gotten out of experiences in the past had I been able to experience them with the head I now have on my shoulders.  With age comes maturation and a whole new kind of perspective.  I look at mine and Yoni's time of engagement and the beginning of our marriage.  In some ways, I have few memories of this time.  This fog could possibly be a result of the two children I have had in close succession between then and now, but sometimes I think the past seems so foggy because my brain is now in such a completely different place.  At that time, I was really just starting off on my whole internal spiritual journey.  My understanding of my internal purpose in life barely existed, and was for sure not what it is today (and I still have plenty of room to grow!).  Sometimes, I wonder whether I would have had more perspective at that time if I had been "observant" for a longer period of time prior to becoming engaged/married.

This weekend, we were honored to celebrate with a newly engaged couple (Mazal tov again! :) ).  Both the chatan (groom) and kallah (bride) were raised living a religious lifestyle.  They both have a firm grasp on their faith.  Yet I saw in their eyes the very same bewilderment that I felt a mere 4 1/2 years ago - Completely unaware of what the future will bring - emotionally, physically, intellectually.  No matter what your background or where you are in life, the time of engagement and "newlywed-hood" is a time of a whirlwind which will scarcely be remembered in detail as life evolves and the couple grows both as individuals and together as a cohesive unit.

It was so refreshing for me to see that I was not unique in my bewilderment.  I shouldn't feel regret at not having enjoyed it enough because it was not paired with the perspective I now bring to life.  At that stage in my life, I experienced it the best way that I knew how.

Now, this naturally brings me to think toward the future.  Ten years from now, Twenty years from now, G-d willing fifty or sixty years from now, what new perspective will I have?  What will I wish I had thought about when I was a young Mom?  How will I wish I had enjoyed certain moments for their intricate deeper meaning which right now is completely lost to me?

If you are blessed to have had more life experience than me, please share your pearls of wisdom that you feel upon looking back to your twenties...