"...And it was Good."

Just over a month ago, after the holiday of Simchat Torah, we finished our yearly cycle of reading the Torah and started anew.  The first parasha, "Bereishit" (literally "In the Beginning", often translated as "Genesis"), recounts creation.  The levels of depth in these lines are infinite.

This year, one particular concept was brought to my attention.  About (almost) each thing created, it says, "Let there be...", "And there was...", and "It was good."

In his new book, "Covenant and Conversation," Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (Chief Rabbi of the UK), wrote a beautiful explanation of this concept.  Whenever I include quotes in my explanation and application of this concept, it is from his book.

On a fundamental level, this account of Creation lays the groundwork for a Jewish approach to life.  Life and the world are seen as inherently Good.

This begs the question, "If everything was created Good, how do people become evil?"  Rabbi Sacks claims, "Their tragedy was that often they came from dysfunctional families in difficult conditions.  No one took the time to care for them, support them ... They lacked a basic self-respect, a sense of their own worth.  No one ever told them that they were good."  This description refers to extreme cases, such as criminal offenders.

So if ignoring the good in an individual makes one being evil, how can we make people great?
By acknowledging the good in them.

"To see someone is good and to say so is a creative act - one of the great creative acts. ...  Within almost all of us is something positive and unique, but which is all too easily injured, and which only grows when exposed to the sunlight of someone else's recognition and praise.  To see the good in others and let them see themselves in the mirror of our regard is to help someone grow to become the best they can be.  'Greater,' says the Talmud, 'is one who causes others to do good than one who does good himself.'  To help others become what they can be is to give birth to creativity in someone else's soul.  This is done not by criticism or negativity but by searching out the good in others, and helping them see it, recognize it, own it, and live it." ... "When we recognize the goodness in someone, we do more than create it, we help it to become creative.  This is what G-d does for us, and what He calls us to do for others."

I think this is a very powerful message for parenting.  So often, parents feel an urge to criticize the things their child does wrong.  Whether it's something simple, "You put your shirt on backwards again." Or something more damaging.  Think of how good our children would feel if we acknowledged the good in everything they do.  Recognize the positive effort, "Wow, you put your shirt on all by yourself!  Can I help you turn it around the right way?"

I can only imagine the potential for this strategy as children get older.  When children have hobbies and talents that begin to develop, a parent cheer leader and advocate (in a healthy way of course) can make the child truly feel GOOD.

Beyond parenting, this concept can be applied to all relationships in life.  With parents and friends, it is not only important to see the good in them, but to tell them that you recognize it.  By pointing out a good quality, it brings it to their attention.  On one hand, it makes them feel good.  Further, sometimes your acknowledgement of their strength causes them to feel a healthy sense of pride and exude that strength to a greater extent.  You therefore make a contribution to the good they bring into the world. This is just about as close as we can get in this world to emulating Divine Creation.